Things we Learned on the Way Home from Miami

* Customs agents can be a bit grumpy. Making sarcastic jokes while dealing with them can result in them yelling. Lots. It's a good thing this was pre 9-11 or Way Cooler would still be languishing in a Miami jail.

*If you rush and hustle to make your flight, (including running the length of the airport) it's pretty much a guarantee that your plane will have mechanical difficulties.

*Some airlines like to have you wait on the plane while they fix the mechanical difficulties so they don't have to go through the trouble of re-boarding you later.

*If a plane is being fixed on the tarmac, they cannot run the AC.

*Miami tends to be a bit warm in August.

*If you have to sit in a plane in steerage economy for three hours without AC you will sweat off all the weight you gained on your cruise.

*Planes that sit for three hours while being fixed (in the heat) can develop other difficulties that will only show up as you taxi out to the run-way.

*If your flight is eight hours late leaving Miami, there is a really good chance you will not make your connection in Dallas.

*When you are stuck overnight in an airport, they will not give your checked luggage. Instead, they hand you a cute barbie sized bag full of barbie sized toiletries, including 1/4 tsp of laundry soap.

*1/4 tsp of laundry soap is really not adequate for properly laundering sweat-soaked unmentionables in a Dallas hotel at one in the morning.

*If you wash your unmentionables at one in the morning they will still be damp the next morning. Very, very damp.

*Dining options tend to be limited at the DFW airport at seven in the morning on a Sunday.

* They put jalapenos in scrambled eggs in Texas. That's just wrong.

* Heartburn is especially gross at 30,000 feet.

*There really is no place like home, especially with your new (and amazing) spouse.