If I buy your product will you leave me alone?

Ever since we moved to our house, I have been dealing with a new phenomenon to me. Door to door salespeople. I'm sure they are lovely people when they aren't working, but most of the ones I have encountered recently are a 1000x's more annoying than Barney (the purple dino not your uncle) singing "I Love You".

I never quite know what to do with them. Up to this point in my life we have lived in basement suites, (where the door was hidden in behind) the top floor of a locked condo building, in a very undesirable part of Fort Worth and then a small town of 1500. Not a lot of salespeople bother at any of these locations.

But now, they seem to zero in on me with alarming frequency and none of them are very good at subtle hints that I might not be interested, such as me saying, "you know, I am just not interested right now" or "I don't want any, thank-you". I've had more than one follow me into my open garage (these fellows caught me when I was outside) and one guy grabbed the door as I was trying to close it!

The two that really do stand out in my mind however were Juan and Steve. Those really aren't their names, they did tell me them, but I wasn't paying attention.

Juan was trying to sell me educational material for my children, but English was not his first language and he kept murdering it. He was trying to show me grammar books, but all I could think was, "you need these waaaay more than me buddy, maybe I'll buy you one!"

Steve was my personal favorite. He was tattooed, pierced and wearing cologne. There's nothing wrong with any of those things, you just got to know when to stop and he didn't. He was trying to sell me a home alarm. There are some things I will never buy from a stranger on my doorstep, Fresh fish, speakers and home security.

Seriously buddy, you look like someone I saw on America's Most Wanted, you are in my garage uninvited and you don't understand personal space at all, yet you want me to let you into my home to wire my alarm? Sure, right after I pierce my own tongue.

Now, if you sell things door to door, don't be offended, I am sure you are a lovely person, just please, don't come to my house!