Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Another Meme. I Stole it From Beck. I know. You are Shocked.

1. The phone rings. Who will it be? Most likely some member of my family. Less likely my brother than the others, but you never know. My most recent conversation with him lasted 48 seconds and involved hard-boiling an egg. He's not much of a phone man.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? I now try to shop at Co-op where the very nice man takes my groceries to the car, puts them in the car and then takes the cart back and doesn't want a tip. IT'S LOVELY.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? That would involve being a social setting. Can't say I do that much any more.

4. Do you take compliments well? I had a roommate who criticized the way I took compliments. She also criticized the way I did my hair, the way I talked, the way I cleaned, etc, so I didn't take it all that seriously. I think I do, and no one else has seen fit to say anything, so short story long, yes I do.

5. Do you play Sudoku? It involves math. The idea of doing something with math for fun puzzles me. In my opinion, Sduko people are actually a wee bit weird.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? You bet. If by wilderness you mean a Motel Six with a limited continental breakfast. Otherwise, probably not.

7. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yep. Learned all KINDS of new words.

8. What was your favorite game as a kid? The one where everyone went away and let me read in peace.

9. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he was married, would you? Ummm, I'm sorry, could you repeat the question? I was laughing too hard after hearing sexy person pursuing me. Cause that's gonna happen right after pigs sprout wings and McDonald's fries become a healthy choice.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Nope, I'm married. It's best I not date at all.

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? I'd prefer avoiding running altogether thankyouverymuch.

12. Use three words to describe yourself? Not too shabby.

13. Do any songs make you cry? Opening a Kleenex box can make me cry. Any sappy song can reduce me to a weepy mess faster than you can say Christmas Shoes.

14. Are you continuing your education? I really have no idea at this point in time. I'd like to say something philosophical about the whole lifelong learner stuff, but I spend my day with small children and big ideas are now far beyond me.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun? Heavens no. What kind of a fool would give this klutz a gun?

16. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yep. Every single youthgroup trip to West Ed Mall would not have been complete without all the girls squeezing themselves into one of those booths.

17. How often do you read books? That's like asking "how often do you breath?"

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future? I'm thinking this is one of those big idea questions. I honestly have no idea. I think about slushies.

19. What is your favorite children’s book? I could not possibly narrow it down to one. But I know for sure, it is not Walter the Farting Dog.

20.What color are your eyes? Blue.

21. How tall are you? If I am standing really tall I am 5' 2".

22. Where is your dream house located? Wherever my three men are.

23. If your house was on fire, what are the first things you grab? The boys, the phone and I'd make sure Way Cooler knew about the need to evacuate. He 's too tall to carry.

24. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? Last week. ON A DATE. For Never-Ending Pasta Bowl. It just doesn't get better than that.

25. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? An over-priced kids consignment store.

26. Do you like mustard? On a smokie with sauerkraut. Otherwise, meh.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Sprout Sez

I posted a few weeks ago that we are experiencing THREE round these parts. Some of you gently suggested this may not be age, but rather personality.

I'm choosing to ignore this wisdom. I'm still holding out that this is JUST A PHASE and come March or so, it will all be gone.

Nothing like a little blind optimism to get one through the day.

In the meantime, for your chuckling pleasure, may I share with you more examples of why I don't get anything done around here, just too busy "training."

Sprout is still sucking his thumb. We have determined based on his personality that it's now just a habit, he doesn't really need it for comfort and we are going to help him break the habit before his orthodontic needs break our budget. The other day I looked in the rear view mirror and saw his hand up around his face.

HG: "Sprout, thumb."

Sprout (With all the indignation a three year old can muster) "my thumb is not in my mouth, my finger is up my nose."

Well, then, carry on.
In an effort to re-channel some energy while drying him off after a bath I asked him if he could sing me a song.

He replied that he could not.

15 seconds later he burped. Then he turned to me and said, "I burped. That is my song for you."

Isn't he precious?


He was repeatedly tattling on his brother and came downstairs while I was washing dishes to report yet another insanely minor annoyance. I was getting rather frustrated. So I decided to count to ten in my head to cool down before I asked yet again if he had used his steps.

I hadn't made it to three when he was off again, hollering "Hey Spud, Mommy wants to talk to you."

Nothing like a little proactivity. That's my Sprout. He gets the job done. Even if there is no job to do.

But then, every so often he looks at me and smiles and says "I love you mommy. You are my friend." He smiles his million watt smile and I totally forget why I was correcting him.
Mission accomplished.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Take That


1. You know how I was complaining mentioning that the weather was rather awful this summer? September has made up for it. In spades. The kids have been playing in the sprinkler every afternoon this week. Which is kind of unheard of for us. It was even hotter here yesterday than it was in Dallas. Which just makes me smile. I'll take warm whenever and wherever I can get it.

2. I have a dear friend Char. She lives in a remote northern community that has been greatly impacted by the US recession (even though it's Canadian. It's a long story). Anyway. Many of the men in the town have had to leave to find work elsewhere leaving behind wives and kids. Char is starting up a group for women whose husbands are away, but doesn't know what to call it. She's asked all you lovelies to come up with some ideas. You can visit her blog and leave a suggestion or just one here in the comments. If you do visit her blog, don't mind the dust. She hasn't posted in months. Maybe if you leave a comment she might start blogging again. Stranger things have happened.

3. I realized I have not told you all what's been happening with the headaches. They've been a great deal better. Due in part to it being summer, it always seem to get better in the summer and due in part to my new best friend, Motrin. That seems to be the one pill that does it for me when all others failed.

4. This week at the library we just discovered the wonder that is Cornelius P. Mud. My kids think this is the BEST BOOK EVER. Spud laughed so hard the first time I read it I thought he was going to wet himself. So I quickly slid him off the couch and finished the story. I think I've read it 566 times since. If you have small boys with a quirky sense of humour, you gotta try this one.

5. My nephew has a new hobby. Sticking items up his nose. Someone suggested to my sister that she the nostril closed that isn't blocked and then blow into his mouth to dislodge the item. Apparently this is called a "Mother's Kiss". I call it, "some women are waaay better mothers than me". That's what pediatricians and specialized instruments are for. Do remember my sister in prayer as this is the fourth time he's lodged something up there in three weeks. The fact that she is still sane is testament to how wonderful she really is.

6. Our DVD player decided it just could not take one more moment of Bob and Larry and died this week. To Spud this was an unspeakable tragedy. So, we took ourselves off to Best Buy. Man, those things are cheap now. We got one for 40 bucks. I was thinking back to when they first came out and they were 300-400 each. It must be a sign that DVDs are going the way of VHS tapes. Now if I could just get Way Cooler to set it up, Spud will be able to live again.

7. Numb3rs starts again tomorrow night. Yee haw. A show where the geeks are cool. It just doesn't get any better than that.

For more geek-free quick takes, please visit Jen at Conversion Diary.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Look Ma, I Cleaned

Last week I tackled a job sorely in need of doing. SORELY.

I cleaned my pantry. After a gpring of headaches and a summer of not wanting to miss a moment of good weather it looked like what I would imagine a fraternity pantry might look like if they were big on stocking up on sale items.

It was horrendous. I wouldn't even let the boys in it for fear I might lose them in the rubble.

And because I love you, I even took pictures of it for you. After viewing it I promise you will feel much much better about yourselves and the state of your homes.

The gasp you just heard was my mother's shock that I would post this disaster out there on the world wide web thing-y. I truly have no shame. I promise, she did raise me better.

That's not enough proof for you? How about this? Somewhere in the wreckage was this.

Yep, so messy I lost a bar of dark chocolate. Which is pretty miraculous because my chocolate sensor is a finely tuned instrument. There has to be fair bit of debris for me to miss it.

After a full day of completely ignoring my kids, look at what I did.

Well what do you know. There is a floor in there. Isn't it purty? I must confess, it is rather sad how happy this pantry makes me now. And if that isn't proof of geek, I don't know what is.

Monday, September 21, 2009

You Know You Might be A SAHM

You know you might be a SAHM if...

- Grocery shopping alone is one of your favorite things to do.

- You wear the knees out of your jeans at least once a year.

- You know the words to every silly song ever written.

- Due to constant exposure to incorrect pronunciations you have lost the ability to pronounce the th blend and now say free instead of three and frow instead of throw.

- Your idea of dressing up is your good jeans.

- You have memorized the recipe for play dough.

- You know all the playgrounds in a five mile radius and have named most of them based on features found there.

- You always shower with an audience.

- You ask the hostess at a restaurant where the potty is, even when you don't have your children with you.

- You've got the Treehouse schedule memorized.

- Poop no longer grosses you out.

- You have at least five children's books memorized. Front to back and back to front.

-Peeing alone is something you look forward to.

What else?

Friday, September 18, 2009

Dear Mr. Hilfiger,

I usually don't write this kind of letter,I mean, I don't even know you, but after last night I feel the need to share with you.

I went into your store. You know, the one with your name on it and more red, white and blue than a Fourth of July picnic in Boise. It was my very first time. You see, all my life I've disliked you. You're cool, I'm not, your stuff is ridiculously over-priced a tad pricey, I'm cheap and up until recently you were only available at the Bay. Happy Geek don't do the Bay.

Anyway, I was by myself at the new outlet mall. The sheer euphoria of being alone in an outlet mall here in Canada was getting to me and I wandered into your store. Then I spotted them. Huge racks of women's tops for six dollars.

They called to me in an irresistible way.

Now you may not know this, because I am guessing you don't shop there often but in these parts even Goodwill shirts are five bucks a piece. And your shirts were new. They were free of painted pictures of puppies and no one had ever sweated in them. And they were 6 bucks a piece. The joy was overwhelming.

So I loaded up my arms and headed for the dressing room.

This is where we began to run into problems. Apparently your sizing is based on women who eat two grapes a month and feel full.

The first shirt I tried on was a small. After I struggled into it and couldn't finish buttoning it up, I realized I had a bigger issue. The circulation in my arms was being cut off by the sleeves. Then I tried to get out. It was a mighty struggle. At one point I was considering applying large quantities of hand lotion to grease my way out of the situation, but then I would be stuck buying a greasy shirt that wouldn't fit a cabbage patch doll.

Now Tommy, can I call you Tommy? Tommy, we gotta talk. I will be the first to tell you, I got waaay too much junk in the trunk, my thighs are the size of normal people's waists and I have some serious baby jelly-belly going on, but my arms, they are normal. If I can't fit my skinny little arms into your shirts, then maybe the problem isn't me, it might be you.

I tried on ten shirts Tommy, and only fit two. I had to get them in medium. MEDIUM? I am 5 foot two. La Senza doesn't even carry my bra size as it is too small. TOO SMALL FOR THE NATIONAL LINGERIE RETAILER. I am NOT a medium topped gal.

Tommy can I make a suggestion? Because I know you want to keep up with the needs of your customers, especially the ones who spend twelve dollars at a time at your stores. Work on the sizing. Because when a woman can't fit her arms into sleeves, well, that tells her she's fat. And only a moron does that.


Happy Geek

Monday, September 14, 2009

Is it Just Me, or is This a Tad Confusing?

My parents live in a wonderful little town about an hour away from our city. It has beautiful old homes, a fantastic bakery, a really good aquatic centre and these signs.

Now I know where all the students I flunked in my English classes found jobs.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Is it Friday Already?

My goodness this week has whipped by. I'm not certain that we actually got 7 whole days this week. Someone must have taken one away somewhere. This helps back up my theory that the warmer the weather, the faster the week. January is actually 564 days long.

Thank heavens for 7 Quick Takes. Jennifer is a certified genius for coming up with this carnival.

1. The 40th anniversary I referred to the other day was not mine. Thank-you to my favorite Smart Alecs for pointing out that it wasn't that clear. My parents were the ones celebrating this rather large milestone. We had a wonderful day of church, family and lots and lots of food. I'm still working on a post about them and their anniversary. At the rate I'm going it will be ready for their 45th, but the intent is there.

2. On our deck we have a large box that I store the boy's outdoor toys in. It sits against the railing and the boys were climbing on it the other day. This wasn't very safe as they could fall over so I told them to not climb on it again. In an attempt to obey me (a very lame attempt I might add) this is the solution Sprout came up with. He took a lawn chair and put it on top of the box and then stood on that. When I started yelling at gently correcting him he pointed out that I had not said anything about a chair.

Who can argue with that kind of logic? So I have now banned him from being near, looking at or even thinking about the box. Problem solved.

3. I have a question for all of you with good hair. I now style my hair with just the blowdryer and a round brush. It works well except for one minor detail. Every time I do my hair my ears feel like they are going to burn right off my head. Which would be inconvenient as I'd then have no place to rest my hearing aids.* So, is there anything I can do to protect my ears from the intense heat they have to endure day in and day out?

4. Sprout started a gym class on Wednesdays at the Y and I have decided that there is NOTHING in the world that is cuter than a bunch of three year old boys attempting to score baskets in the adult basketball net. They were all cheering each other on as their balls went about three feet up and then landed with a thud, yet they kept trying. Not only is Sprout having a very good time, it is unparented which means I have an hour to MYSELF every Wednesday afternoon. Cue angels singing. Loudly.

5. Recently my body has decided that this whole sleeping thing is not cool anymore. I'm not exactly sure I agree with my body, but hey, I do get more blogging time in. It is currently 3:30 am. Anybody got some good tips on how to get back to sleep in the middle of the night? ANYONE? PLEASE?

6. We have a very lovely lady at our church named Carla. She is a wonderful, Godly lady whom I am enjoying getting to know as she has just joined our home group. My problem? Every.Single.Time I hear her name I think Karla Homolka instead of her proper last name. I have come within a syllable of referring to her by Homolka at church on more than one occasion. Referring to her as one of Canada's most notorious criminals may not be the best way to say "welcome to our group."

7. Maritime musicians rock. If you haven't seen this you really need to. Only in Canada would someone create a music video about the poor customer service they have received.

For more quick takes, see Jennifer at Conversion Diary.

*For those of you new here, I actually do wear hearing aids. The uber-cool behind the ear ones. So, actually having ears is not only aesthetically pleasing, it makes for better conversations with me as well.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


It's been a bit busy round here.

We had a 40th anniversary to celebrate, school to start and our whole small group came for supper. To the house that I've been neglecting ALL summer. COMPLETELY neglecting. Because beaches and picnics and the zoo and road trips are waaaay more fun than cleaning.
So, I've been a lean mean cleaning machine and I've neglected you all shamefully. I'm sorry.

Please accept my apology and go read these instead of me today. They are funnier than I could ever hope to be anyway.

Kelly's husband learns what not to say to your wife. In the funniest way possible.

Amy Beth shares a story from her Math class that illustrates very clearly why teachers do NOT get paid enough. Even the ones in college.

And if you read nothing else this week, please read this GEM from Boomama. It is funny, oh so funny, but the comments will make you want to clap your hands. And snort your Coke. Maybe both at the same time. Even if you can't read all the comments, skim a couple. It is worth the time. I LOVE it when Christians can make fun of our oddities. Because there is plenty of oddity to make fun of!

Jesus loves you and I'm trying,


Friday, September 4, 2009

I'm Still Here and I'm Not Even in a Corner Sobbing

It's been a rather busy week. A week that makes me very grateful for 7 quick takes. So here it is, the back to school version!

1. Spud's first day of Kindergarten was Tuesday. Which was also the day I posted the incredibly depressing poem about my children running into the future without me. I just kind of forgot the whole "they are still here for another 15 years or so" thing. And by here I mean my house, not that they only have 15 years to live. Because then I really would be sobbing in a corner. Sorry to subject you to all that angst. Or as much angst as a suburban housewife can muster.

2. Spud's class has fourteen students. 3 of whom are girls. Yep, eleven 5 year old boys. Let's all take a moment to say a special prayer for Mrs. D. Because if I had that ratio I'd need a few male helpers. Like Jack and Jose.

3. Three weeks ago when all the kids were out of school it was 7 degrees out. Now that everyone is back in it's 30. Sorry my American friends, I am feeling lazy and don't feel like translating that into Fahrenheit. Basically, it was jacket weather and now it is tank-top time. Gotta love the irony.

4. Spud is adjusting really well to K. He is quite excited and is a fountain of information about what happened during the day. Sprout is adjusting even better to having me to himself everyday. Mommy may not be adjusting quite as well as he feels the need to speak Every.Single.Second that Spud is in school. I may or may not have uttered the following phrase today "if you are not quiet for the next three minutes mommy is going to LOSE HER MIND." I think that bought me 18 seconds of peace, but at this point I will take what I can get.

5. A note for fellow cheap-o Calgarians, on Saturday the library is hosting a read away your fines day. For every 15 minutes you read in the library they will pardon 2 dollars of fines. So, the boys will have an extended story time on Saturday morning. Not that I ever have fines. Nope. Not at all. Never. Not me.

6. Two fellow bloggers just had or were referred new babies. You need to go see the deliciousness. Quite honestly, both deserve medals, Nicole because she birthed a 10 pound, 10 oz baby and Catherine because she has waited for 3 and a half years for this moment. Congrats to both of them.

7. I made these for supper tonight. OH MY WORD. The utter deliciousness. I used summer squash instead of zucchini and cooked the quesadillas in the pan instead of the oven but other than that stayed true to the recipe. Yummy. For those of you familiar with my husband, rest assured he was not here. He wouldn't touch these with a ten foot pole. That's more veggies than he normally eats in a month. But if you are not veggie-a-phobic, you gotta try them. GOT TO.

For more quick takes visit Jennifer at Conversion Diary!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Running Ahead

"Hey mommy, can we run?"


Four blue eyes upturned and pleading.

A nod.

Facesplitting grins. They are off.


Two bobbing heads, downy hair covered by floppy-brimmed sunhats.

Two sets of brown legs running ahead.


Running ahead into an adventure.

Running into a day when they will no longer ask to go, they just will.

They will go.

Whether or not I please.

Brown legs tire.

Blond heads droop.

They return.

"Can we hold your hand?"

A nod.

Please do. Please.