Monday, December 17, 2007

I'm Also a Fashionista

Last Friday we had to go to Way Cooler's student and faculty Christmas dinner. It was dressy. Since I am a "professor's wife" emphasis his, not mine, I decided my jeans and a nice sweater probably wouldn't cut it. This creates a problem. If I am going to wear a dress I need to wear nylons. I think the last time I wore the things I was pregnant with Sprout. Yep, I am queen of the high fashion.

So, I dug around in my drawers trying to find pantyhose. Then I realized I had a dilemma. My dress was black but I only had open toed black shoes (they are really high heeled sandals) and all my nylons had a reinforced toe. I briefly considered wearing navy shoes (This will indeed confirm that I am a fashion idiot) but my mother nixed that idea after I called for some much needed help.

I was a bit concerned that people might notice the reinforced toe. I needn't have worried. At all.

You see, our children came with us. It's a dressy family thing. So, I was too busy cutting up meat, explaining why we cannot climb the garland and keeping Spud from flinging his namesake at the back of some theology professor's head to care if people noticed. They could have all been staring and pointing and I would not have clued in. Nor would I have cared by that point.

When I had been putting on my nylons I was grumbling a teeny bit to myself about now having to hand wash the dumb things that night. This worry proved unnecessary. Spud came to my rescue. While we were waiting to get up and go through the buffet line he was swinging his feet back and forth against my leg. He was wearing Velcro shoes. Are you tracking with me?

By the time I went through the line the only thing people would have noticed about Dr. Way Cooler's wife was the grapefruit sized hole in her nylons.

So Friday night I was at a party in a six year old dress, wearing nine year old sandals with shredded nylons with a reinforced toe. But you know what, I didn't have to cook, someone else watched my kids while I ate cake for dessert and I got to talk to someone who wasn't related to me.

What a great party. Just don't tell Stacy and Clinton.


KnittinChick said...

Happy Geek!!! We have got to get you out more often. A nine year old dress is not a good start to anything.

Here are some other solutions to the pantyhose crisis:
*Get a fabulous pair of dress pants. No worries about whether you have nylons or not.
*Tights! I wear these most of the time if I have to in the winter (CDN winters are meant for pants if you ask me) and they last WAY longer. All those years of working with children taught me that.
*Don't stop Spud from throwing his namesake around the room, quietly disappear to the ladies' room to 'touch up your makeup' or something else that you southern friends could help with. Allow Dr. Way Cooler to deal with this and no one will notice your legs during this segment of reality comings and goings!

Good luck for next time. BTW, Costco has really nice pants that are kind of like jeans but would dress fabulous-y for events such as mentioned. $20. Run out and get some:-)

Sue said...

I can't remember the last time I attended ANYTHING where I wasn't thinking, gosh, I hope they don't notice _________. But ya know, most people are thinking the same thing ;>

MomOfTheCrazies said...

At times I think it wouldn't be that bad to have Stacy & Clinton surprise me. Aside from the humiliation in front of millions of people, I would get tons of new clothes that actually fit me instead of a wardrobe full of pre-children clothes that will likely never fit me again. Plus I would love to have Nick and Carmandie tell me what to do with the rest of me. (To those of you that know me, this is not a request for you to nominate me to the show!!!)

Janet said...

Maybe you should have just used "spray on nylons", otherwise known as "a tan." Hee hee.

Teri said...

Nylons are the anti christ.

JCK said...

9 year old dress is a BIT extreme, lady. But, I am WITH you on hating to wear pantyhose. I avoid them at all cost! Very funny post about the grapefruit sized hole and especially "why you can't climb the garland!"

Jill said...

Velcro and nylons. Yikes. Been there more than once.
I doubt anyone noticed anything out of the ordinary, and even if they did, SO WHAT!
You did get dessert;0)

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