If You Give a Sprout a Sandwich

(With apologies to Laura Numeroff, the author of the fabulous "if" series.)

If you give a Sprout a sandwich, he will throw it up.

Because you are talking to Sprout's daddy you won't see it right away and Sprout will be bored.

So, he will decide to finger-paint with his puke.

You'll take him upstairs to clean off.

You will have to leave for a second to get a washcloth.

He will be bored.

He'll root through your bathroom cupboard looking for something to do.

He'll try to drink the bubble bath.

So you'll give him a cup.

You'll have to rinse out his clothes leaving him with only his cup for company.

He will be bored.

He will solve the boredom business by using his cup to transfer water from the toilet to the tub.

He will be mightily miffed when you take away the cup and wash his hair.

He will decide to throw himself backwards which will cause him to bang his head on the wall.

You will have to stop washing his hair to calm a screaming, snotty Sprout.

He will use this opportunity to tell you that after all this work he has a"hun-gy tummy".

 So you will give him another sandwich.