Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Lions Den

Tomorrow morning I head off to my first Ladies Bible study at my new church.

Can I tell you how nervous I am?

I have often had a hard time making friends.  I move a lot.  This doesn't bode well for deep and abiding friendships.  I have small children who are very demanding of my time which can be a drain on relationships. Most of all I am a geek.  Generally I am quite OK with that but some poeple have a hard time getting past it.  I am quite shy but when I so start to talk I often talk too much.  I am loud.  I spill.  I buy clothes that are on sale, not necessarily in style.

This is not a winning combination.

I cannot tell you the number of times that I have had people start a conversation with me, spot someone more interesting and wander off mid-sentence.  I have had coffee dates planned right in front of me that did not include me and people just choose not to return my calls.

This all does something to the soul.

So.  I choose to hide in my house with my kids and my computer.  It is so much easier.

But it isn't better.  

I need women in my life.  Ones who will laugh with me, pray with and for me.  Women who will let me watch their kids when they need a break and who know how to tell me gently that my slip is showing.  Again.

So I will gird up my loins and enter the lion's den coffee hour tomorrow.  I will be on a mission.  I will be looking for someone who looks as lost and lonely as I sometimes feel.

I will be the friend I am looking for.  I know the good ones are out there.  I've found them before.  I can find them again. 

I hope.


a Tonggu Momma said...

And now I feel really honored that you could imagine sitting at my table, drinking coffee with me.

And you know what?

I am exactly the same. (Well, not exactly, but just as "different" as you, in my own ways.) And I feel exactly the same about that coffee.

When are you gonna move here??? But until you do, I just know you'll find someone else... and soon.

Heather of the EO said...

Why is it that those things are so scary? I mean, I practically vomit when going to something like that. And I'm totally stylish...kidding.
I get all shy and then once I warm up a bit, I don't shut up and I say stuff that makes no sense. Then everyone just stares at me and smiles a very patronizing smile. Or else I just see it that way, since I'm paranoid. I just think church stuff should feel more warm.
I hope it goes well!! There really are always wonderful women at these things.
Reading your blog makes me think, what's not to love? :)

Tez said...

YOU are one of those wonderful women! I cannot tell you though, how many times I've felt like a complete and total outsider, so different in thought and lifestyle from other women. Sometimes I get that same feeling of alienation as you. I figured it was just because I AM so very different, and I don't give a flying crap about my nails, or my shoes, or my sweat pants.
I yam what I yam.
You are what you are, and I REALLY like you! I hope it all goes smoothly. Hold your head up and smile and let your natural charm take over.

Janet said...

I hope that you find yourself a great friend there! A big hug to you! You can come over here ANY time! I thought you were GREAT to talk to!!!!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

That's HORRIBLE! I feel so bad for you. If you were at my church, I'd sit you at my table and ply you with donuts and coffee and tell geek-ish jokes to make you laugh.

"I think I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"

MomOfTheCrazies said...

Good for you for jumping into the lion's den. Amazing how I feel the same way as you do. The uncomfortableness is worth it in the end to make some friends.

granola_granny said...

When I taught school I would sometimes get parents coming in telling me that their child felt that they had no friends in the class. This frequently amazed me because more often than not the child was one of the most popular in the class. Go figure. It seems that we all suffer feelings of aloness and differentness. Just some are insightful enough to recognize it.
You might enjoy a child's book called "Snowchild" by Debi Gliori. Hope you can find it at your local library. It made me misty eyed.

Tez said...

sooo, how did it go?

Char and Avery said...

Hey girl. As you know, I think anyone who would walk away from you in mid sentence should be shot. What an absolute loss for them. I love you and was always surprised when you'd mention that you had a hard time making friends. What is wrong with those people anyway??

Good for you. Even 'not too geeky' (well, okay, I like paisley, brussel sprouts and I'm going to the New Kids on The Block concert in November)- I digress... Even I get a sucker punch in the gut vulnerable feeling when I am going out on a limb to make a new friend. It is hard, but when you look back, it's a reward that just can't be beat.

I love you always. Char

JCK said...

I'm hoping it went well, HG. It is SO bolstering to have a support network of women. It is definitely more difficult when you are shy, but definitely doable! :)

Stonefox (otherwise known as Heidi) said...

Oh man, there is so much I can relate to in this post. I am so glad you shared it because it has inspired me. Yes, I'm weird like that. Just knowing there are others like me out there and all, well, that does me good.

Can't wait to hear how it goes. I know you will find those friends!