Back at the beginning of 2010, Anne Voskamp shared that her word for the year was going to be Yes. It would be a year of saying yes for her. The whole idea greatly intrigued me so I too choose a word. Mine was grace. I did not feel as if I was good at it, giving or receiving so this would be the year that I choose grace.
I had no idea at the time how much this was going to resonate.
2010 was a year when I discovered just how weak I am. For the past twelve years I have been running on adrenaline and caffeine. For five years I worked a job I did not like and quite honestly wasn't very good at. So to make up for my lack of ability I just worked hard. Very hard.
Then I had two very strong willed children. Plus I moved six times. I did not have time or energy to breath, let alone really stop and think.
This year was a tad bit different. There's nothing like major surgery to force one to slow down and evaluate themselves.
Can't say I really like what I saw.
I got face to face with my sins. Especially the persistent ones.
They are SO MANY.
Left to my own devices I do not choose good.
I choose the easy route. I am self-centered. I am quick to anger, prone to doubt and can carry a wicked grudge.
And yet, His grace really is enough. ALL my sins are forgiven. My Saviour covered it.
It truly is an indescribable gift.
Even more amazing are the times that I do say the right thing. The times I forgive. The times I can let things go. Because that is not me. Not even a little bit. That is grace working in me.
2010 was a year I realized just what grace is all about. How it was and still is extended to me.
It was also a year I began to give grace to myself.
To allow myself to say no occasionally. To potentially let people down. To forgive myself as I have been forgiven.
2010 was not the year that I choose grace, it was the year I fully expereienced it.