Saturday, September 22, 2007

The road to heck is paved with good intentions

I was all full of good intentions today. Way Cooler was planning to spend the day working on a big project for work so I had a fun day for the boys and mommy all lined up. I intended to take them to the indoor playground at the Y, then zip over to Costco for milk and a few other things, get them home for grilled cheese sandwiches with carrot sticks and cucumbers (that is truly one of Spud's all time favorite meals) get them down for nap, get supper organized and ready for the oven (honey garlic chicken, rice and salad) and then zip over to the mall for a much needed haircut at 2:30 and an even more needed chai tea latte, heading home to play with the boys some more and spending some time with Way Cooler.

Then we got on the road to heck. Also known as the ring road that was supposed to take us to the Y. I noticed that the flat tire light was on. NO PROBLEM, we'll just zip to Costco first, since our flat changes are free there and then wing over to the Y. Arriving at Costco at 9:45 I began to sense that maybe my day of fun would be a day of #$%$ (did I say that?) when I realized there were 10 people in line ahead of me. Apparently Costco has a tire sale on. Of course they do.

I had rushed into Costco trying to beat the crowd (unfortunately, 10 people ahead of me, mission not quite accomplished) so I was holding Sprout (instead of strapping him into a cart which is where God intended 18 month olds to be in Costco) while Spud wandered beside me reading an old zoo guide. Sprout wanted soooo badly to run free, unfortunately, that involved him pushing carts into the sign proclaiming the stupid tire sale, nearly knocking the thing over. Since that would only aggravate the people who were controlling how long I would have to wait for my van to be fixed I decided to hold Sprout. For 10 minutes. It was like wrestling a pig. A screaming, crying and snot flaying pig. Meanwhile, spud decided to test my zoological abilities and quizzed me on every animal in his zoo guidebook. "What's that one mommy?" I answer and he replies "You're right mommy, good job." Also for 10 minutes.

Then the guy at the counter told me at 10:06 that they would be ready to fix my tire at 1:00. But I could come back then. Okay, we'll go home and come back. I made a stop at Superstore to call Way Cooler to confirm this course of action, having hauled my kids out of the van into a cart, where they had to share a leg hole (seriously? are you kidding me, they don't even share air well, let alone a leg hole). So while they are attempting to push one another out of the cart I am on the payphone (we got rid of our cell to save $) to Way Cooler who informs me that I need to go back to Costco, not drive anymore and wait there. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

So we went back to Costco and for the next 4.5 hours we made Costco our home away from home. Those of you with kids are cringing. I know you are. You know what I'm talking about. the only thing that kept me sane was I kept saying to myself, "at least there are only 2 of them." Dawn and Allison would kill for just two at the grocery store.

The following is a list of phrases I found myself saying at least 3 times each

hey guys, you want to go look at the Mitre saw again?

Don't put your finger in your brother's eye!

Sure we can go through the produce refrigerator again!

Stop stepping on the raspberries, they are for daddy!

Don't drink my coke!

We can't go to the indoor playground, the car is broken

Because the tire is flat

Because Daddy ran over a nail

I have no idea

So at 1:30 I eagerly make my way over to the tire centre, figuring for sure they would be done to be told there are still 3 cars ahead of me. Now, in my house naptime starts at 12:30/1:00ish, and woe to the fool who messes with naps. Woe indeed. Meltdowns aren't pretty anywhere, they are especially bad in the tire centre, and even worse when mommy runs out of snacks.

I used to wonder who would buy the 750 gram Toblerone at Costco. That's 1.6 pounds of Toblerone. Now I know who. Women stuck with two preschoolers for 4.5 hours in a glorified grocery store.

I finally took the boys outside across the street to a small grassy area in back of a construction zone and a grocery warehouse. Who needs a playpark when you've got coffee lids, cigarette butts and a manhole. for over ten minutes the boys dropped things down the manhole and spit into it. Apparently this is VERY fun. I normally frown on both spitting of any sort and dropping things down into the storm drain, but today, as long as they didn't throw their brother into the storm drain I really did not care! I was pointing out where there were more rocks!

My van was finally ready at 2:23.

I never did get to my 2:30 haircut, never got my latte, fed my boys Costco hot dogs for lunch didn't make it to the Y and we had pancakes for supper. Way Cooler is at the y working out now since he couldn't go earlier (we only have one car) and I am headed for a much much anticipated bubble bath. There is, though according to my amazing husband, a silver lining to today,

"Hey, this is great, you got something really good to blog about today!"

I'll be blogging tomorrow on what he does when he comes home and finds I've changed the locks. That'll be really good too!


char said...

I love you so much it isn't even funny!!!! Thank GOD that He thought to make you!!!!

I will pray that you decide to continue life in spite of these recent events. Love you, wish I were a little closer to witness all this firsthand over coffee....

Janet said...

I am soooo sorry that you had a horrible day, but the way you write about it, I just can't help but laugh! Especially the line, "they can't even share air well!" That killed me. You are a GOOD writer!

Alyson said...

oh what a day. At least it is over with.

Anonymous said...

I don't even know what to say. Four and a half hours at Costco with the kids would probably kill me. I can't imagine! Sorry your day was so crappy. Hope you had a good bubble bath!


Dawn and Dale said...

I agree!! What an amazing writer!! Absolutely no one else could keep my interest...let alone make me laugh outloud just blogging how she spent 4 and a half hours at Costco!!

And...If that ever happened to me...I'd be completely broke!! I spend enough money there after only 40 mins!!! ;)