Monday, August 18, 2008

Flatlanders

Warning - if you are male, you may want to find another post to read today. That includes you dad. Consider yourself warned.

Dear La Senza,

Two years ago I finally found the perfect bra. It fit right, didn't show much under my clothes and kept the nipplage under wraps. It was so great that I even forgave you for the 17 year old Twinkies who work for you that proclaim in the world's loudest voice, "Double A? We don't carry anything THAT small. Try the training bras at Sears." The bra is quite the wonder worker to help me forgive that.

I am part of a small group of women who wear a bra only because of social convention. We simply do not need the support. Quite honestly all we need is a couple of band-aids but a bra is more comfortable. (marginally).

That is why I was shocked and dismayed to see that you have now put an underwire in the ITEC bra. NEWSFLASH. Women who wear an A do not need extra support. There really is nothing to hold up in the first place. And the wire? It needs something to do. If it has nothing to support it begins to look for other jobs. With nothing to stand in it's way it begins to climb. Higher and higher.

Trust me. There is nothing quite like raising one's hands in church during a moving rendition of "Breathe" only to discover there is now a wire sitting on one's nipple. And it is stuck. There really is NO gracious way to fix that. So one must wait till prayer. Which is at least 17 verses of "Holy Holy Holy" away.

So, I am asking you. Actually, begging just a little. Get rid of the wire. Bring back my flawless ITEC. And take the Twinkie while you are at it.

Sincerely,

The Happy (but incredibly flat) Geek.

15 comments:

MomOfTheCrazies said...

But at least you can now set off the metal detector at the airport!

Janet said...

That was hilarious! I LOVED it! I have the opposite problem. Except for the Twinkie part. I'm with ya on that one. I am NOT a fan of shopping there.

Char and Avery said...

I am SO with you!! The wire on the nipple thing really happens. I buy a bra simply to pad myself up so it looks like I have more than an A!! REALLY!! Sad, isn't it?

Tez said...

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
While it has been at least 8years since I had that problem, it still cracks me up!
I remember the "boob bloat" of being pregnant and buying a bra big enough to fit my face in!
Whether fortunate or not, I didn't quite lose all that boob and went from an A cup to a C cup.
You are hilarious woman!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Ummm... I must confess I haven't had that problem since sixth grade. It still made me laugh. Especially since my sister, in high school, earned the nickname "Skeeters," short for mosquito bites... because that's about the size they were. BwwaahHaHaHa!!!!

Anonymous said...

Sweetheart:

You are absolutly nuts. This is so funny I wiped away tears.

Love ya

Dad

Bargainista said...

What an absolute hoot! i can so id with you. Just be careful about adjusting things during a prayer. At your sister's wedding, i tried it and thought i was safe, only to find out that the camera man, (another relative) zeroed in on Auntie B. piously adjusting her riding hi bra. Grrr! Let me get my hands on that video!

And i was sure that your father would take your warning as an invitation to be sure to read this blog. Too funny~!

granola_granny said...

Loved the post and also loved the momofthecrazies comment. I guess no matter how you look at it, we all need support, just not for the same reasons.

JCK said...

OK, this was HYSTERICAL! Except for the beginning. I can't believe the salesgirls said that to you. It is outrageous and wrong. Anyway, loved the post!!

Jeana said...

Oh I'm cracking up! And the title! Perfect!

heather of the EO said...

THAT. was hilarious.

MomOfTheCrazies said...

Auntie Bargainista, I'd forgotten about that section of wedding video. I think I'm going to have to dust off the video and have a watch for old times sake. Hee hee hee!

KnittinChick said...

I LOVE it! No sympathy at ALL for you Happy Geek. Just live a life of freedom when you fly and you won't set off any metal detectors.

Toothfairy Mom said...

Too funny!!! I dislike the same store for the opposite reasons!!!
Who among us hasn't adjusted something during prayer time?!
Thanks for the chuckle, it made my day!!

Anonymous said...

Boy can I ID with you. Last week number one daughter decided I really could buy a bra locally and off to our local department store. The one prequiste to sell bras is a loud voice. This lady (using this term loosely) I'm sure picked up the inter store sound system telling everyone nobody ever buys 32AA anymore, there are means at your disposal. That's why I spend 5 months south every winter, just to pick up Bras that fit. Auntie V