Four

My oldest turns four today.

I now am beginning to understand the phrase, "The days are long but the years are short."

It seems hard to believe that four years ago I sat in a hospital room marvelling at a chunky miracle. Within a few weeks I realized that this gig was not exactly what I had signed up for. The visions of playing with a cooing, gurgling baby dissipated into the reality of a baby who coughed and coughed and cried and cried until I thought it would never end.

There is nothing quite like having a baby who is sick and having no idea why or how to fix it.

In the midst of the crying (mine and his) there was holding and comforting and rocking. I certainly do not miss the screaming but looking back it seems a small price to pay for the hours of snuggling I might not have gotten otherwise.

I still hold him more than many four year olds are held. He just loves to cuddle. I am beginning to realize that I only have a short while left before he won't so I try hard to hold him as much as I can. I am storing it up against a day when the only holding done is at arm's length.

My four year old is creative, imaginative, friendly and gentle. He has a stubborn streak that both parents blame on the other and spends a great deal of time in a world of his own making. He resembles me greatly both in looks and temperament and this is a source of great joy and frustration. Whenever you look into a mirror you can see your flaws, even if the mirror is your off-spring.

There are times when his strong will frustrates me to tears and other days when it inspires me as I visualize the leader he will be. Shaping it has been been the toughest job of my life.

I cannot tell what the future holds for my little man but I am so thankful that his Maker knows and that I have been entrusted with him for a season.

It's been the best season of my life.