Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Canadian Geek's Guide to Texas

As I've mentioned, I have an upcoming trip to Texas. It has got me thinking about our move there. Things were a bit different in Texas than up here, but nobody told me that. Consequently I made a bit of a turkey of myself on more than one occasion. I don't want that to happen to anyone else, so as a service to you, I am offering a Geek's guide for Canadians living in Texas.

You're welcome.

1. When people say to put something up, they mean to put it away. This can be confusing if someone tells you to put it up down there, but I'm sure you'll catch on quickly. Or at least faster than I did.

2. If someone offers you tea, it will be in a glass with ice cubes. And if you are lucky it will have enough sugar in it that you could stand a spoon up in it. If you want tea as we know it, you have to ask for hot tea. But don't. Have the tea in a glass. It will make you swear off Goodhost forever. I plan to drink my weight in sweet tea while we are there.

3. If you go to someones house do not take off your shoes. Yes, I know it is weird, and yes they do spend a fortune in steam-cleaning, but if you do take off your shoes, like say for your first time at care group, everyone will look at you weirdly and talk about you. Not that I speak from experience or anything.

4. If you are ever in a group of seminary wives, do not ask who Beth Moore is. Even if you don't know. Go google her. Asking that kind of a question can cause a collective gasp that will literally suck the oxygen right out of the room. Also, you may get on a prayer list or two.

5. No one knows what a washroom is. Bathroom, yes, washroom, well, more staring.

6. Chik-fil-a is closed on Sunday. But make sure you go every other day of the week. I honestly believe that a Chick-fil-a sandwich is the reason God made poultry.

7. They do not sell Smarties in the USA. At least not Smarties as we know them. Instead of the lovely bits of candy covered chocolate that we know and love, they are those nasty rolls of compressed sugar that everyone trades away at Halloween.

8. Do not go to the state Fair on the day of the OU vs Texas game. If you do go, wear orange. Do not, for any reason wear burgundy. THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT. I do not speak from experience on this one, well, we were at the fair on game day, but we were appropriately attired so we did not get rolled, but I can see how it might happen.

9. Pecan is pronounced pa-cahn, not pee-can. As I heard many many times, (many many) a pee can is something you keep under the bed. Good thing that joke never got old. Ahem.

These are just a few tips to make your first week or so a bit more pleasant than mine. Coming next, "the Joy of the Coupon."


Antique Mommy said...

Yes, all of that is spot on!

Nicole said...

I took my shoes off in a Texan's house, and it was the social equivalent of ripping off my pants and doing the limbo in their living room.

Also, I recently found out about the Smarties thing. It seems so strange to me! Smarties!

Veronica Mitchell said...

The Chik-fil-A chicken biscuit is the perfect breakfast. And now I am longing for one. Darn you.

Janet said...

All very important tips. Thanks. :-)

Lady Why said...

Are you sure you weren't writing the Canadian Geek's Guide to Alabama? All of that's not normal for y'all? ;-)

By the way, you take your shoes off up there? I had never heard of such a thing until I met our Russian piano teacher. You do NOT walk into that woman's house with your shoes on. When I've referred students to her, I've had to explain her brand of crazy with the shoe thing lest they offend. I thought that was just some weird Russian custom. Who knew?

happygeek said...

Lady why, I think that is the way you do things in any Northern Country. Its dirty out there. You don't want to track your mud and dirt and snow into someone's house.

Recovering Sociopath said...

Beth Moore is a nice lady, but overrated. There, I said it.

Anonymous said...

For the dummies out there! Who is Beth Moore?

Dummy # 1

Knittinchick said...

I'm with HG... take OFF your shoes. I don't want all your dirt in my carpet and house.

Love the Beth Moore thing. She's not quite the cult figure here that she is in some crowds!

granola_granny said...

HG, could you make a quick trip to Mexico and write a post about what NOT to do there? I'm sure I'm going to embarrass myself and others on our first trip.

Knittinchick said...

Granola_granny... you've inspired me to maybe start blogging again... you are a sweetie pie so I know that you'll do great!

Char said...

Lol! When I asked for the washroom I was indeed stared at, and then led to the laundry room!! IN A SCHOOL!! Lol!! AND on more than one occasion!! Too funny! P.S. I hopw you have an amazing time, I am soooooo happily jealous!! ;)

Heather of the EO said...

That Beth Moore thing totally cracked me up. Just saying.