The Epic Part Three

We spent the first week of our honeymoon in Disney World. It was very fun. It was also very hot.

Picture two Canadians in Florida in July. We were pasty puddles of sweat. So we came up with a plan to avoid melting away completely while in line for Thunder Mountain.

We would get up really early in the morning and be there when the gates opened. We'd frolic until it got unbearably hot and then go back to our hotel room for a, ummm nap. Yep. A honeymoon nap.

We'd then go back out after our nap later in the evening and not leave till the gates were shut. Because we are so very cool.

We were staying in a motel-type Disney resort. There were windows from our room looking out onto the open walk-way that lead to all the other rooms. This being Disney, our resort was full of young families. Full.

One afternoon we were umm, especially tired and were in quite a rush to get to our nap. So much so that we forgot to close our blinds. The ones on the picture windows. That looked out onto a walk-way that was full of young families. Who could easily peek in and see us napping.

Sorry Disney.

Epic Part Two

A cruise was an excellent choice for Way Cooler and I. We tend to vacation differently. I view a vacation as a time to relax. Way Cooler gets his relaxing done at home. When on vacation he wants to experience. Everything. At all times. He has paid for this cruise and he is going to partake of every activity that he can to really get his money's worth.

So, on a day at sea my plans consisted of a book, a beach chair and frothy drinks with an umbrella. Way Cooler preferred to act like a retiree on speed.

There really wasn't an art auction, fitness class, ping-pong tournament, dance class (I kid you not), cooking demonstration and history lecture that he did not attend. But the nice thing was, he could learn and do to his heart's content and I could accomplish my big goal of turning over occasionally and we could still meet up for dinner.

One evening after a strenuous day of tanning I decided that I too would do a little more than imitate a beach chair. Way Cooler was attending a sit and be fit class (again, not kidding) so I hit the den of sin casino alone. I was mainly curious to see if I would go up into a puff of smoke just walking into the place.

Nope.

I ventured in a little further. I really had no idea what went on in a casino and was curious. If the whole spontaneous combustion thing didn't happen then maybe they weren't so bad after all.

I had ten bucks burning a hole in my pocket and being the wild and crazy party girl that I was decided to try my hand at the slots.

Just incase that you are new here and think that maybe I was a party animal in my younger days, yeah, not so much. I was born and raised Baptist, had a perm at the time that I BRUSHED OUT EVERY DAY, I couldn't name a radio station that played the top 40 let alone identify a single song on the top forty and I had had two sips of champagne the night before because I felt if I had any more I might get drunk.

Basically, once a geek, always a geek.

I approached the slots with caution. I really wasn't certain what to do but didn't want to look as if I was clueless. The fact that I carefully watched everyone else, had glasses bigger than my head, and wore socks with my bermuda shorts and runners didn't give my naivety away at all.

I got change and told myself that I would spend the ten bucks and get the heck out of dodge.

I put in my first quarter, pulled the handle and won. 4 quarters. Wow, I was queen of the slots. So I continued. On my 4th pull I hit the jackpot. Seriously. I won $250. Now this may not seem like a lot to you, but I was giddy at winning the dollar. $250 put me over the edge. I decided it was best to quit while I was ahead and wanted to get my HUGE jackpot upstairs as fast as possibly so that I would not be tempted to gamble it away. Plus I didn't want anyone to steal it.

But then I faced a dilemma. How did I get this upstairs? While the shorts on my pockets were roomy I already had my keys, my previous 4 quarters and my sunglasses in there. 1000 quarters were just not going to fit. So, I filled up 2 of those little pop-corn type buckets that they give you for your earnings and headed for my room.

What I didn't realize is that casinos can take your quarters and pay you in more transportable forms of currency. Instead, I left the casino carrying my two very full buckets and proceeded to walk the length of the ship (and up like 4 floors) back to my room. Because I am cool like that.

Did I mention that I was practically running in my haste to get the quarters into the security of my room's safe? I really blended in.

But at least all 1000 quarters were safe.

I know, I know.  I promised an epic (of sorts) and I've only done one post and already I am interrupting.

It's just that Way Cooler is out of town and I need to check with him before I post the next one.

Because he is featured and I am trying not to put things out on the world wide webby that he wouldn't be OK with.

Before you think I am all sweet and sappy and stuff, it's actually because he is a lot bigger and stronger than me.  He could totally take me.  

I have had all kinds of random stuff running through my head anyway, and I feel the need to share it with you.

* Its been rather cold here over the last couple of days (which is such a shock for Alberta in January) and I have had all these colourful sayings about the weather running through my head.

The problem is, I cannot say them out loud in front of my children.

No, they are not THAT kind of colourful saying, they are as follows

"It's colder than my mother-in-law's heart."  I have a WONDERFUL mother-in-law and plan someday to BE a mother-in-law, so I'd like to skip this one.

"It's colder than a witch's tit."  I think it is fairly self-explanatory why I may not want to repeat that one in front of my pre-schoolers.

However, I'd like to come up with my own colourful saying.  Any suggestions?

* Way Cooler and I have just discovered the joy of texting on our cell phones.  If we'd had this when I was in high school I would have never gotten anything done.  Can you imagine how cool it would have been to able to text with your friends during the Charlottetown Referendum instead of paying attention in Math?  You can't eh?  You mustn't be a geek then.  

*Melanie is doing a six week series on cooking with beans over at Beanplate.  She's focusing on cheap and tasty ways to cook the musical fruit.  It's like 30 days of culinary joy for tightwads. 

* I've come to the startling conclusion that cleaning house while your children still live at home is much like shovelling in a blizzard.  Only less productive.

Stay tuned for more honeymoon mayhem on Wednesday.

The Epic part One

Pretty much since we had started dating Way Cooler saved all his Toonies and Loonies for my engagement ring and our honeymoon.

Repeat after me: awwwwwww.

He wanted it to be special. He also wanted it to be a surprise. The only problem was, I don't do surprises well. I'm a control freak planner and really did want to know what was going on.

So, a couple of months before the wedding after much prodding and pleading on my part he told me that we were going to Disney World. I was so excited. He also told me that we were then going to fly to Miami and spend a week on a beach.

Awesome.

We made it through the wedding and all that stuff and had a marvelous week at Disney. The weeks leading to the wedding had been rather stressful and then we hit Disney World quite hard, going from sun up to sun down. I was really looking forward to a beach-y week.

We were on the plane flying to Miami when Way Cooler asked if I wanted to see a picture of our hotel.

Certainly. I was picturing a pool with a swim-up bar in my mind. He handed me a picture of a cruise ship.

We were going on a cruise. He couldn't wait to see my reaction.

He didn't quite get what he had bargained for.

I did what any over-tired, stressed out twenty-one year old would do.

I burst into tears.

And kept going.

And going.

And going.

That's right folks. I cried for the rest of the plane trip, in the airport, while waiting for our cruise ship escorts, while on the bus to the port, in the line-up to get on the ship, and through the lifeboat drill.

Three of the longest hours of Way Cooler's life.

I.Could.Not.Stop.

Trust me I tried. But then I would think about how I didn't have anything to wear, or how mad Way Cooler was, or how tired I was and the water-works would flow again.

It was my own special version of water torture for my poor, long-suffering husband. Who by that point was wondering if it was too late for an annulment.

It was. He was stuck.

I finally stopped crying and we managed to have a very, very good time.

But he has never ever surprised me like that again.

Ever.

It's an Epic..or Something Like That

You know, January can be a rather rough month.  It's often colder than should be legal and there's no real fun event to look forward to.  Just a month of housebound togetherness.  And then both Beck and Veronica closed down their blogs for a while to pursue other writing.

Sob.

So, I got thinking, I need something to brighten my January.  I'm gonna tell you all about my honeymoon.  It was really one misadventure after another.    Trust me.

And to give myself something to chuckle over I'm going to re-live it for you in a series of posts.  Really, what else do you have to do all month anyway?

To give you a little background, Way Cooler and I were married at the ripe old ages of 21 and 22.  We had dated long-distance exclusively and our honeymoon was the longest period of time we had ever spent together in the same city.

I cannot emphasize enough how much we do not recommend this.  We made it through that first year because for two reasons only.

We are exceedingly stubborn.  

God is exceedingly gracious.

You'll see why.

Metaphorically Speaking

I am beginning to think I might blog too much. Let me tell you why. The other day I was out in the garage getting something from the van. It was chilly, but quite tolerable without a coat. Then I opened up the garage door and waves of cold rolled over my poor shivering body. It only took a second or two for my insulated garage to turn just as cold as it was outside. Which was colder than should be legal.

As I stood there courting hypothermia I kept thinking, this would make a great illustration for a deep blog post. I ran through all kinds of metaphors in my head.

This is the best I could come up with. If you open a large garage door in the middle of winter, you will cool down your garage.

Deep eh? I really am considering a career in motivational speaking.

My point? When you start looking for metaphors in a sub-zero garage, maybe it's time for a new hobby.

Some Things Just Cannot be Taught

This year I decided I was going to do something about my lack of photography skillz. My kids are growing up entirely too fast and we really have no photographic evidence that we have children.

Melanie from Beanpaste is a kickbutt photographer and occasionally puts tutorials on her blog on how to "picture" better. Most of them are entirely over my head, she talks about centering your subject and stuff like that. My subjects Never.Stop.Moving. Centering a tornado is tricky. However, she recently said that one key to becoming a good photographer is to take lots of pictures. This is something that even I can do.

I had a sneaky suspicion that taking three to four shots a month is not lots. So, I took my camera into clean-up time the other morning and while directing the chaos removal, took a whole bunch of pictures. 32! That's more than I normally take in two-three months. Out of that I got seven shots that resemble my kids. Please tell me that is normal.

The rest look more like this.












I guess they'll just have to trust us that they had faces as kids. Because we really have no proof.

The Pride Goeth and Goeth and Goeth

I must tell you, at church the other day I actually looked rather cute.  I'd just gotten my hair cut and haven't messed it up yet and was wearing a snazzy new pair of pants.  They are CALVIN KLEIN (I know, I'm wearing a label, what a sellout) that I had gotten on clearance from Costco.

They go very nicely with my black Costco sweater.

 Yes, I do buy all my clothing at the same store that I buy my tires.  Is this a problem?

Anyway, I looked cute.  This happens about twice a year and I must confess I was a wee bit conscious of it.  I thought that I might have to relinquish the geek title after all.  No Geek ever looked this good.

You all know where this story is going don't you?

We were walking to our chairs and the senior pastor came up and started to chat with us.  We attend a largish church (for Canada) and had yet to speak with the man in our six months attending there.  We kept walking while talking and I turned a little bit to better speak to him.

And walked directly into a chair and then stumbled into my husband nearly bowling over the pastor.

Yep.  Still a geek.  Just a little cuter than usual.

Sprout

Dear Sprout,

Today you teased your brother with a relentless passion, hid your celery behind your chair and threw a car leaving a nick in the drywall. You slammed your little hands into that same wall when you were told to go to your room for car-throwing.  You refused to nap, peed on your bed (twice) and cried because your brother got served his yogurt before you.

You took 45 minutes to eat your dinner because you were too busy singing and blowing bubbles in your milk (and serving yet another time out for the bubble incident) and you drew on the table cloth instead of your paper during colouring.

You took over an hour to fall asleep tonight because there were just too many songs to sing.

I went in to check you and this is what I found.


All is forgiven. You are more joy than I even know what to do with. Because seeing this reminds that today you hugged me when I stubbed my toe, laughed till you fell over at a dumb joke I told, played whatever game your brother told you to, sang a song about loving your dad that you made up and grinned at me with a smile that could melt a glacier.

In two short months you will turn three. I'm really gonna miss two.

I love you more every day,

Mommy

Tales from the OCD Files.

You know, its been a month or two since I've picked on my sister for the world wide web to see. I must change this situation immediately.

My sister has OCD issues. This picture is probably sending her into cardiac arrest as we speak.

Why? None of the plates, cups or bowls are in rainbow order and if you look closely, the flower plates are mixed up with the rectangular plates. For sis, that's the stuff that nightmares are made of.

I know what you are thinking. "Come on Geekie, surely you exaggerate." Sadly, no, I don't. Recently my sister was telling me that she had to call a family meeting. The reason? A sock and a plastic bowl were missing. Everyone had to stop what they were doing and look for it.

Seriously.

If that's all I have missing at any given time I take out announcement in the local paper to celebrate the achievement.

They did find the sock and bowl and people were allowed to eat and sleep once again. Order was restored. Until next time I visit. I'm taking a cup with me.

I love to lived on the edge.

Since I love to live on the edge, I have also messed with my feed.  If you have been having trouble subscribing, try again.  If you are still having trouble, here is my new feedburner address.  http://feedproxy.google.com/TheHappyGeek.  

Smart

I took the boys tobogganing on Monday.  As we headed out I  thought "I cannot ever remember my mom taking us kids tobogganing all by herself."  Which proves one thing.  My mom is waaay smarter than I am.

I wanted to make memories.  The only memories my kids will have from this trip will involve sliding down half the hill on their face, lots of snow in their mitts, a hill so icy that they could not climb back up, and a mommy who snapped a lot.

Precious memories. 

Not only is my mom smarter than I am, she is also a super talented seamstress.  I on the other hand have difficulty threading my sewing machine.  And that is the part I do the best.  So, if you can't sew, it helps to have a mom who can.  Then you can have things like this for your children.

Sprout has had this for two months and still has to talk about it Every.Single.Morning.  Can't say  I blame him.  Cars and colours.  It's nirvana for toddler boys in a wall hanging.

Yes, I did cut off my mom's head in this picture.  That's on purpose.  She is a beautiful woman but if I post her picture on the internet I have a funny feeling she will cut me out of the will.  Or worse.  She'll leave me her sewing machine.  I told you she was smart.

A Review or Something like That.

I saw this on Beck's blog and I am shamelessly stealing it. I do not feel terribly bad for the whole stealing thing because she stole it too. But I will put in a plug. I just recently discovered Beck (apparently I am the last person on the Internet to do so), but if you are clueless like me and don't read Frog and Toad are Still Friends you really ought to. Her writing is beautiful, she's thoughtful and she's Canadian. What more could one possibly ask for? (Other than a Chinook, a Chinook would be nice right about now.)

Anyway. I am going to recap with the first sentence from the first post of every month. Because boring you just once isn't good enough.

January:
When taking a straw sippy cup on the plane, be aware that it may pressurize, thus when someone, (oh, say your husband) goes to open it, water will shoot up the straw much like a firehose.

I'd forgotten about that. And now I get to laugh all over again.

Yep, still laughing.

February:
As promised, here is installment two of things you never wanted to know so didn't bother to ask.

March:

Hello again.

Wow, this is thrilling even me. (For those of you new here, sarcasm is my favorite literary device. It's about the only one I use properly.)

April:
I thought about trying to play a practical joke on y'all today, but I can write about the funny, I cannot do the funny.

There really has never been a truer sentence written.

May:
The best way to start your weekend?

I'm awesome. I started a blog post with a question. Not just any question but one that has those who love grammar still shivering. Maybe my New Year's Resolution should be to actually read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. Because I've done so well with resolutions in the past.

June:
Way Cooler and I are taking a holiday this week.

And it was so terribly fun. We really should go wild and do that again some time. Maybe another seven years or so.

July:
Shannon at Rocks in my Dryer is hosting a themed WFMW.

Wow. The birthday of my country and I'm off doing a WFMW. Good to know I've got my priorities straight.

August:
I may have mentioned once or twice (or 652 billion times) that my sister has organizational issues.

This reminds me, another story from the OCD files coming soon. Because one can never read enough about someone elses neuroses.

September:
Sprout was a colicky baby.

Which is the understatement of the century.

October:
I'm shamelessly stealing this meme from the fantabulous Janet's blog.

Yep, the rumours are true, this blog is simply a collection of stolen memes.

November:
My house is full of company.

And yet I was blogging. Hostess of the year anyone?

December:
Hey, have y'all seen this around?

It's beginning to frighten me how much I use y'all. I'm CANADIAN. I really have got to stop.

Can't wait to see what this year will bring!